Dear past me: there was no need for this. I am competent.
I could sum this story up in one paragraph; as a bite sized story suited to be a tweet:
These past 3 weeks I worked long days BUT I only logged 8 hrs each day? Why did I do this? Bc as a woman in the stem field coming from a coding bootcamp I wanted to look competent and like I was doing more work in less time. Dear past me: there was no need for this. I am competent.
In fact, part of me wanted to leave this blog post there. Is any further context needed? I am speaking for myself, but perhaps this singular truth sheds insights into a larger problem. Perhaps, to greater and lesser degrees, we are all blind to both handicaps and privileges bestowed upon us as we navigate through life.
Until last night, it did not fully occur to me where I had sold myself short.
I found myself burnt out. Burnt out from burning the candle at both ends trying to succeed and most importantly look and convey success at all costs.
It was not until I was talking with a manager, venting out all my anxiety, that the right words came out. And I realized something I had been doing, without even being fully aware I was doing it.
I told him that I felt that I was a failure if I could not complete my assigned ticket within its time estimate. And that because of this I had been working long hours and not accurately depicting this on my timesheets.
That is when it really sunk in. Time estimates, it was told to me, were just that… estimates. They fluctuate depending on the endeavor and even the skill level of the individual taking it on.
I have the ability to speak up if time estimates seem unattainable
This thought never crossed my mind.
Additionally, how can anyone come help if it is not readily apparent that I am feeling overworked because my timesheets are purely showing 8 consistent hours of work.
Suffice to say that this was a learning experience. I am grateful for the leadership, mentorship, advice, and feedback I received from my co-workers and bosses. For, had it not been for them, this mountain I had made for myself for three weeks may have turned into three years.
DO THE RIGHT THING 2020: https://dotherightthing.carrd.co/
