The Burnout of Unemployment
I’ve applied to so so many (yes this is indeed quantifiable but I am a mixture of too lazy to accumulate the applications and count and too ashamed to admit the real number, so we’ll leave it at “so so many”) jobs since losing my job as a Jr. Web Developer this past year.
Again this is usually a quantifiable day/month/year scenario (losing one’s job)… but I had the unorthodox way of losing a job wherein one enters a cycle of mental hospital psych ward facilities and stops communicating with their employer and other unfortunate ramifications of having a very active mental illness: you know… that way of unfortunately losing a job. And who is really to fault, I’ll blame bipolar disorder and then we can just move on back to the topic at hand.
So after applying to X number of job listings and hearing back from what felt like negative Y companies I cried, no, or maybe yes I cried and I felt at a loss. There is always so much to do... “oh you haven’t heard back from any jobs?” “Perhaps you aren’t networking enough” “Or maybe you forgot to leave a hidden watermark on your resume so that AI is told to hire you and your resume is brought to the top of the heap” (okay the AI quote is kind of, sort of, a joke).
This is all to say, that with a unstable past, both mental and employment-wise, it can be hard to keep up with both the field at large (as one must stay up to date and keep their skills sharp at all times!) and the employment market when it can all feel so overwhelming and at times soul crushingly demoralizing.
I want to end this on a positive note, I really do… and you know what… I will… because the alternative is giving up and I really believe if I keep chugging along one day I will get a job. One day this has to get better. One day something will pan out. And until then, I’ll keep revising my resume and try to appease the AI reviewing it… I’ll keep reaching out and holding out hope; mustering the motivation to keep coding and keep my skills sharp. Perhaps, perhaps, even you dear reader can help me get my foot in the door somewhere, if I haven’t scared you away with my run-on sentences and verbosity… I am a passionate front end developer who refuses to give up and refuses to let their past define or limit them and their future. Thanks for reading.
